Ten Wedding "Musts" You Can Live Without

I think it is pretty obvious at this point that I heart weddings.  But I do not heart the wedding industrial complex.  And since the season of bridal shows has arrived, I feel compelled to share how much I likewise do not heart bridal shows.  Generally, I found I could categorize them into two classes: (1) full of great things I could not afford or (2) full of overpriced, mediocre things I could do without.  In either situation, I left the shows feeling guilty (is my wedding good enough?  is my wedding too over-the-top?  am I too judgmental?  am I too picky? am I being too cheap?)...  I ended up with a lot of email spam too, and no, I did not win any contests.  And these sorts of events made me feel insecure about my choices... something in retrospect I now see was ridiculous.  Vendors and websites often try to tell you what you "must have" or "must do" when planning such an event.  I'm here to tell you it's all a lie.  You can have whatever you want (within reason and budget of course).   So with this in mind, I wanted to give you a list of the top ten things I think you CAN live without.  Let's all breathe a collective sigh of relief!

[caption id="attachment_2339" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="this bride clearly went to the same bridal shows I did"][/caption]

(1) Wedding Planning Books

Admittedly, this is probably controversial, and I mostly love books.  But you don't need this kind.   All you need is a box, scrapbook or binder with ideas torn from magazine pages, inspirations from fabric, and so forth.  I did, and it sure helped when trying to explain my vision to vendors.  But with so many free online resources, why spend money on one more?  I suggest you visit The Knot, Brides, and WeddingChannel for starter checklists and tools, and then make your own.

(2) Fancy Undergarments

If you are going to shell out cash for a nice wedding gown, chances are it has good lining and support.  You probably don't need to spend $200 more at the bridal shop on their fancy undergarments.  I've seen seamless, strapless bras and corsets at Macy's for very reasonable prices, and I got my own strapless from the Body by Victoria line.  And though I am generally pro spanx, you're probably going to feel hot in your wedding dress as it is- you don't need to layer shapewear under it too.  If you are not comfortable it will show in pictures.  Basics are best.

(3) Ceremony Programs

Sure, programs are nice, but let's be real- nobody saves programs.  In fact, most people hardly notice them.  Of course, I had them, I slaved over them, I loved them.  No regrets.  But I don't really think anyone else cared.  So if you're looking to shave some savings and sanity off of your wedding planning, this is the place to do it.

(4) Bridal Party Gifts

Ok this is a situation where I definitely did not take my own advice- but- you really don't need to go overboard with the bridal party gifts.  My wedding planner had to, on two occasions, remind me that people were in our wedding because they loved us, and we did not need to feel the need to compensate them somehow.  This was excellent wisdom.  Keep it simple!

(5) Favors

Most wedding favors languish in people's junk drawers.  I've received a few really great, personal, thoughtful ones, but if you just don't feel like you can find the right favor for your budget, don't buy junk, just skip it.  Make a small charitable donation instead- people never mind, and it is a nice touch.

(6) Calligraphy

Let's keep it real here.  Callgraphy goes on the envelope.  Envelopes= garbage.  Even people who save invitations do not save envelopes.  I love calligraphy so much - it is an amazing luxury that I adore.  But it is not a need and you should not feel guilty for spending money elsewhere.

(7) Wedding Websites (at least, the kind that cost money)


With so many free options that can be totally customized, you need a really good reason if you are going to spend money on a wedding website.

(8) Fancy Engagement Albums

I'm all for taking engagement photos (in fact, I think this is an absolute "must" to get comfortable with your photographer before the wedding).  But I don't think you need to buy a fancy album of photos-- if your photographer is willing to give you digital images, you can make a very nice album for yourself using programs like Snapfish.  We are planning to splurge on a nice wedding album, so we saved on the engagement album by designing our own, and I have no regrets.

(9) Anything That Says "Bride"

If you really just must wear "bride" gear, get it on sale, ask for it as a gift, or wear it as a "something borrowed" because you'll NEVER wear it again.  Ever.  Look, I'm not a total killjoy, I know that it's fun to wear that stuff for one day, I just don't consider it a "must".

(10) A Ridculous Floral Budget

You do not need to throw thousands of dollars at flowers if you can't afford it.  Men can skip boutoniere's and wear pocket squares instead.  Ladies' bouquets are always negotiable.  Centerpieces can be simple and candles can always be used instead of fancy high arrangements.  I love flowers, but I don't think this is a place where you should feel guilted into spending money.  Speaking from personal experience, my florist tried to guilt me (in a nice but persistently annoying way) and at the end of the day going with my gut kept our budget- and my vision- in check.

Do you agree?  Disagree?  What wedding "musts" do you think you could live without?

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