Euphoria!

Today I had my last dress fitting.  And it went well!  But in order to fully share the experience, I must first channel my favorite wedding film of all time, Muriel's Wedding.  This movie's soundtrack is all Abba, and so I suggest you listen to this music as you read...

Ok.  So.  In the movie, Muriel is kind of a nerd, like me, and she has these "friends" who are significantly cooler than her but not very nice.  Kind of like these Spice Girls I went to high school with- you know the type.  And one of these friends gets married and is a super brat about it.  So at the brat's wedding, said brat finds out her new husband has been cheating on her with another brat bridesmaid.  And so she starts crying hysterically and screams in her Aussie accent, But I'm a BRIDE!  I'm suppposed to be EUPHOOOORIC!

Best.  Movie.  Line.  Ever.  So you know that as soon as I got engaged I started saying it all the time!  But the odd thing is, even though I was only kidding most of the time, there were a few moments where I really thought I was supposed to feel euphoric, such as when I found "the dress."

I did not have that moment for a long time.  I love my dress but when I found it I didn't faint or cry or have anything other than a genuine feeling that I liked it.  Which at the time, I was ok with.  I know lots of people who have told me they too did not get that feeling- because let's face it- its just an article of clothing.  It's not going to change my life.

But over time, it started to worry me.  What if I wasn't getting that "feeling" because chose the wrong dress?  Or, more importantly, what if I was displacing anxiety I have about something else on this dress issue?  What if I was ignoring something really important?  That nagging feeling eventually turned into full-court pressure, and later panic.  And I had a full on meltdown after my last fitting.  I may or may not have called my friend C. and cried that I was going to look mediocre on my wedding day.  I may or may not have been told by my mom that I was being completely irrational.  It may or may not have been because I had kind of stopped eating, and when I am very hungry I am super emotional. 

So after my little panic attack, I decided to slow the heck down and be nicer to myself.  I decided it was time to stop pressuring myself and start eating a little more.  A glass of wine here and there, some tanning bed time, and a little less time in the office.   And not only have I not gained any weight, I actually feel 1000% better.  And I'm again refocused on what is most important- not the dress, the dress is just a symbol (thanks for that reminder, mom!)- on the fact that I'm getting married and it is awesome!

And guess what else.  When I went to my fitting today, I had my MOMENT!  I totally felt that feeling you're supposed to feel.  Like it all is coming together and it is all exactly right.  AND I LOVE MY DRESS!!  I guess sometimes you have to let go and stop trying so hard to find a moment, so that the moment can find you!!

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