Say My Name

I've always known I would probably change my name when I got married.  Just as I've always known I wanted children.  Throughout my teens and twenties, I used to think about what a given guy du jour's name might sound with mine (don't make a face, you know you did it too).   Of course, if my future husband's last name happened to be something really bad, I would have reserved my rights (for instance, I've never wanted to be a Sarah Focker, like in that Ben Stiller movie?  yeah, no...).  But fortunately my future last name is perfectly fine.  Sure people might have trouble pronouncing it, but they have that problem with my maiden name too, so I'm ok with that.

But as I get closer to changing my actual name, I've found that I'm continually surprised by it.  I think in the past I've maybe taken the decision lightly- and now I understand what the big deal is.  Names are about identity.  I've had the same name for 30 years- it is the essence of who I am.  Changing it is a hugely big deal.  And I totally respect why every person's name changing decision is necessarily different and deeply personal.  It is absolutely those things for me.

All these musings in no way affect my decision to change my name.  But typing or saying my new name looks strange to me- it just hasn't yet sunk in. Sometimes I still accidentally refer to J. as my "boyfriend" and I imagine "husband" will take some practice.  How long will it take for me to start absorbing my new name?

They say habits take 3 weeks to develop.  So I think its safe to say I'll be in the habit of saying it by the honeymoon.  But what I really want to know is how my new name is going to sink into my identity?  A week ago, J. made the comment to me, "you know, you're going to be a [last name] and [last name]'s aren't doormats!"  It made me smile and it made me feel excited.  Could a new name be an opportunity to work on one's weaknesses (in my case, the doormat thing) as well as a symbolic gesture?

Hm.  I guess I'll have to report back  on this one!  :)  How did (or will) you decide whether to change your name?

Oh and PS, my apologies for the Beyonce reference- I can't stand her- but it was just so apropo.  Image Source