This is going to be a long post, but I think its worthwhile reading if you're planning a wedding- and you might be able to relate to some of this if you're now married! So apologies in advance for the length, but maybe you'll find it useful. And to compensate, I've thrown in a teaser photo taken by my mother in law during our first dance!
Now that the dust has settled and J. and I had started down the path of married life, I've had some time to reflect on what was, for me, the most perfect of days. Our wedding was, hands down, absolutely everything I hoped it would be, and I was pleasantly surprised by how many other things it also was.
But before I go into all the good stuff, I think its important to share some of the things that went wrong. Not because I'm obsessing about them. Actually its because I'm not obsessing about them. I think its important for other brides out there who are planning their weddings to know. You know you're not supposed to care, you're supposed to be on cloud nine- but I have read some blogs where brides said in retrospect that they actually did care. And after reading them, I got really stressed out. What if, what if, what if???
Well, I think I can say with confidence that there are a couple of things that set our wedding apart from those others I had read about. First, I was really, ridiculously organized (think: timelines, contact information spreadsheets, logistical packets, etc). To the point where I got teased incessantly. But I didn't mind the teasing, and being organized in advanced really helped me relax on the wedding day, because I knew that (a) lots of people had all the key information, (b) everyone knew what they needed to do or who to go to for help, and (c) my needs would be taken care of, because I had planned for it.
Second, I hired a day-of coordinator. Hollie Pena Holmes of Exquisite Affairs Productions was literally my right hand woman on my wedding day. She paid my vendors, herded people around for photos and onto busses, she made sure I had something to eat or drink whenever I needed it, reminded me to pay someone when I forgot, and she even let me borrow her own lipstick at one point. I honestly don't know how someone could plan a wedding without someone like Hollie. Especially with a 22-person bridal party!
Third, we had great vendors. I really did my research, met each one personally, and made sure I liked the people I hired. I will always maintain that you need to like the personality of your vendor. It made it so much easier for me to ask them for things, or take instruction from them. I also made sure not to micromanage my vendors, which allowed me to just let them do their thing while I enjoyed my day. And the day went smoothly, and the initial photos I've seen have been amazing, so I think that was the right call.
Fourth, we had shuttle bus service to and from the reception. Initially, we did this so people could celebrate with abandon. Turns out, it also kept a ton of drunk people from driving in very hazardous snow. As Stephen Colbert would say, great idea, or greatest idea?
Ok, so what went wrong? Read on after the jump...
So a few things did go wrong on our wedding day. None of them mattered, but as I said before, I think it really is worth mentioning. I'd love for fellow brides-to-be to see that lots of stuff can happen and you can still have a perfect day!
(1) Hello Antarctica. We had a historic blizzard on our wedding day. This was easily the biggest "thing that went wrong." Washington DC was under something like two feet of snow that morning, and we had 16 guests cancel because of the weather. But we were oh-so-lucky because the snow didn't start until I got to the church at 2:40 that day, and it made for some amazing post-church car photos with the antique car my dad had brought. I was really glad my mom had talked me into that aisle runner too, because it kept my dress clean during the walk down the aisle! When we got to Nyack Seaport for our pre-cocktail hour photos, it was so snowy that we couldn't go to the waterfront for photos- which was a small disappointment, something I'd really wanted- but it was too icy and at that point, I had decided to go with the flow and just enjoy what came next. The great thing about all the snow was that during dinner, with all the windows, it felt like we were in our own personal snow globe. Plus, as they say on Sex and the City, the worse the weather, the better the marriage!
(2) About those cancellations. They were a serious bummer but in most cases, really could not have been helped. From what I hear, that's actually a pretty normal number of cancellations even when weather is fine. There were a handful where I suspected it might have been a "convenience" issue, and that hurt, but they were few and far between. Those particular people never even acknowledged their absence or total lack of consideration (I would NEVER... but I digress)- which was like salt in the wound. But what can you do? Most of the people who couldn't make it were really upset, called either me or J. personally, and really made us feel loved despite the circumstances. We understood! And of course, all those other people who did come in that snow were extra-appreciated in light of the effort it took. You find out who really loves you when people come to your wedding in a blizzard, and let me tell you, I love them back!!
As an aside, I heard of a bride whose wedding was in Delaware where they got a lot more snow, and she had FIFTY+ cancellations. She was, understandably, devastated. So believe me when I say, we're counting our blessings on this one.
(3) Our ring bearer didn't make it down the aisle. But he was SO CUTE as he sat there pouting and looking at his feet in the narthex! We got some good photos of his absolute cuteness, and I was so happy he could be there! Plus, the flower girl literally threw the flowers high in the air as she walked down, perhaps to make up for his absence. The kids were absolutely perfect in their imperfection. Perfect.
(4) Oh yeah, and we were LATE. Hair and makeup appointments went over their time by about 45 minutes so I had to get dressed in a rush. I wish it could have been different, because I was kind of hot and felt a bit disheveled, but the good news is that I had accounted for some late time in my timeline. So even though the bridal party arrived late to the church, the ceremony still started on time. The one downside of all this lateness was that I didn't get to take individual photos with my bridesmaids until well into the reception when our hair was no longer perfect, and I was covered in sweat from dancing. But guess what- I didn't care one bit because I was having so much fun!
(5) A few details weren't quite as planned. There were no crystals in the stephanotis centers in my bouquet- and I liked them better that way. I didn't drive to the church in the old Packard because of the weather- but J. and I got to ride after the ceremony to the reception in the car. The napkins on the tables weren't folded with the menus as I had requested- but they looked great anyway. The scattered greens on the tables weren't quite what I envisioned- but hey, they were inexpensive and it did the trick (and the candelabras were amazing, so I hardly noticed). We didn't get those waterfront photos- but we got some amazing ones in the snow. My dress bustle broke in two places and we had to safety pin it- but I'm pretty sure that happens to everyone. Also, my makeup didn't stay totally put as promised- my eyeliner kept falling and I kept having to touch up my under-eyes to avoid raccoon status. That was kind of annoying, I won't lie, for $150 your makeup shouldn't do that. Did it ruin my day? Absolutely not.
And so there you go. Things really do go wrong on your wedding day- it was true for everyone who gave me that advice, and it was true for me. But if you allow yourself to just go with it, and focus on the day instead of the details, I promise, it won't bug you. To me, the imperfections only made everything more memorable and somehow, more perfect. How many people get amazing snow like that for their wedding? How many people get to experience that feeling of being inside their own personal snow globe with their beloved, a private "bubble" where literally nothing matters but the day you are sharing? Hopefully, you are one of them!
Did any of you married folks out there experience something similar on your special day? I'm dying to hear more war stories!
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