Ten Wedding "Musts" You Can Live Without

I think it is pretty obvious at this point that I heart weddings.  But I do not heart the wedding industrial complex.  And since the season of bridal shows has arrived, I feel compelled to share how much I likewise do not heart bridal shows.  Generally, I found I could categorize them into two classes: (1) full of great things I could not afford or (2) full of overpriced, mediocre things I could do without.  In either situation, I left the shows feeling guilty (is my wedding good enough?  is my wedding too over-the-top?  am I too judgmental?  am I too picky? am I being too cheap?)...  I ended up with a lot of email spam too, and no, I did not win any contests.  And these sorts of events made me feel insecure about my choices... something in retrospect I now see was ridiculous.  Vendors and websites often try to tell you what you "must have" or "must do" when planning such an event.  I'm here to tell you it's all a lie.  You can have whatever you want (within reason and budget of course).   So with this in mind, I wanted to give you a list of the top ten things I think you CAN live without.  Let's all breathe a collective sigh of relief!

[caption id="attachment_2339" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="this bride clearly went to the same bridal shows I did"][/caption]

(1) Wedding Planning Books

Admittedly, this is probably controversial, and I mostly love books.  But you don't need this kind.   All you need is a box, scrapbook or binder with ideas torn from magazine pages, inspirations from fabric, and so forth.  I did, and it sure helped when trying to explain my vision to vendors.  But with so many free online resources, why spend money on one more?  I suggest you visit The Knot, Brides, and WeddingChannel for starter checklists and tools, and then make your own.

(2) Fancy Undergarments

If you are going to shell out cash for a nice wedding gown, chances are it has good lining and support.  You probably don't need to spend $200 more at the bridal shop on their fancy undergarments.  I've seen seamless, strapless bras and corsets at Macy's for very reasonable prices, and I got my own strapless from the Body by Victoria line.  And though I am generally pro spanx, you're probably going to feel hot in your wedding dress as it is- you don't need to layer shapewear under it too.  If you are not comfortable it will show in pictures.  Basics are best.

(3) Ceremony Programs

Sure, programs are nice, but let's be real- nobody saves programs.  In fact, most people hardly notice them.  Of course, I had them, I slaved over them, I loved them.  No regrets.  But I don't really think anyone else cared.  So if you're looking to shave some savings and sanity off of your wedding planning, this is the place to do it.

(4) Bridal Party Gifts

Ok this is a situation where I definitely did not take my own advice- but- you really don't need to go overboard with the bridal party gifts.  My wedding planner had to, on two occasions, remind me that people were in our wedding because they loved us, and we did not need to feel the need to compensate them somehow.  This was excellent wisdom.  Keep it simple!

(5) Favors

Most wedding favors languish in people's junk drawers.  I've received a few really great, personal, thoughtful ones, but if you just don't feel like you can find the right favor for your budget, don't buy junk, just skip it.  Make a small charitable donation instead- people never mind, and it is a nice touch.

(6) Calligraphy

Let's keep it real here.  Callgraphy goes on the envelope.  Envelopes= garbage.  Even people who save invitations do not save envelopes.  I love calligraphy so much - it is an amazing luxury that I adore.  But it is not a need and you should not feel guilty for spending money elsewhere.

(7) Wedding Websites (at least, the kind that cost money)


With so many free options that can be totally customized, you need a really good reason if you are going to spend money on a wedding website.

(8) Fancy Engagement Albums

I'm all for taking engagement photos (in fact, I think this is an absolute "must" to get comfortable with your photographer before the wedding).  But I don't think you need to buy a fancy album of photos-- if your photographer is willing to give you digital images, you can make a very nice album for yourself using programs like Snapfish.  We are planning to splurge on a nice wedding album, so we saved on the engagement album by designing our own, and I have no regrets.

(9) Anything That Says "Bride"

If you really just must wear "bride" gear, get it on sale, ask for it as a gift, or wear it as a "something borrowed" because you'll NEVER wear it again.  Ever.  Look, I'm not a total killjoy, I know that it's fun to wear that stuff for one day, I just don't consider it a "must".

(10) A Ridculous Floral Budget

You do not need to throw thousands of dollars at flowers if you can't afford it.  Men can skip boutoniere's and wear pocket squares instead.  Ladies' bouquets are always negotiable.  Centerpieces can be simple and candles can always be used instead of fancy high arrangements.  I love flowers, but I don't think this is a place where you should feel guilted into spending money.  Speaking from personal experience, my florist tried to guilt me (in a nice but persistently annoying way) and at the end of the day going with my gut kept our budget- and my vision- in check.

Do you agree?  Disagree?  What wedding "musts" do you think you could live without?

image source

Today I'm Loving: Vintage Wedding Gowns

So let's say you are like me and you love vintage clothing.  The history, the care, the preservation, it's all so special!  And let's say you are also a budget-conscious bride.  Worried?  You shouldn't be- this dilemma is easily resolved!  Here's my quick list of great places to look for incredible vintage gowns at reasonable prices (all but one of the gowns below are under $1000).  I know, I know, these dresses are generally teenie tiny (JEALOUS of the girl who could wear one of these sans starvation!!), but I've heard through the grapevine that seamstresses are quite capable of making dresses like this larger- and they can do things with some of the less than desirable sleeves you sometimes see- so it's worth the effort.  All images below link to their retail source.  Happy hunting!

Ruby Lane

Ruby Lane is one of my favorite places to shop for antiques- I have scored everything from the perfect 1933 Chicago World's Fair souvenirs for my dad's birthday, to hats from the 1950's and books from the 1920's.  So it comes as no surprise to me that many of the Ruby Lane vendors are carrying wedding gowns.  Just look at this gorgeous gown which hails from the 1940's and is only $145.  I bet it looks a lot better on a real person than on a shapeless dress form.  Not to mention, the antique lace alone has to be worth that price!

[caption id="attachment_2279" align="aligncenter" width="222" caption="Click through to check out the stunning detachable train!"][/caption]

Posh Girl Vintage

The name says it all- this online retailer's collection of fabulous white dresses will blow you away.  Like the dress below, a 1950's eyelet confection which is begging someone to wear it in their backyard wedding!  Just make sure you watch the website often and buy quickly if you love something because these lovelys seem to sell FAST!

[caption id="attachment_2280" align="aligncenter" width="163" caption="1950's White Eyelet Organza Long Dress only $323!!"][/caption]

The Frock

You are going to melt when you see the goodness over at The Frock.  A well-edited collection of high-style, high-quality vintage gowns that will knock your socks off!  If you've got the cash, they've got the goods.  For example...

[caption id="attachment_2281" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="This Harlowe Era Fantasy gown is from 1930 and will set you back $4700 big ones. But oh my."][/caption]

Cherished Bride

Much like the Frock but at lower price points, Cherished Bride has incredible offerings, all in ready to wear condition!  Right now, I'm drooling over this 1930's masterpiece of structured, art deco magic.

[caption id="attachment_2282" align="aligncenter" width="228" caption="And at $750, I think most people I know will be drooling too."][/caption]

Etsy

Last but not least, every girl's go-to resource for all things fabulous- etsy!  In particular, I recommend you check out Timeless Vixen Vintage if you want to drool some more.  I'm not even going to waste any more time discussing-- I'm getting to the good stuff-- just click the images for links to the store!

[caption id="attachment_2283" align="aligncenter" width="223" caption="There are about 8,000 things I love about this dress. Including the price: $325"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2284" align="aligncenter" width="191" caption="Sweet pink perfection, and only $660"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2285" align="aligncenter" width="233" caption="In the words of Rachel Zoe, I DIE. I DIE.  $325"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2286" align="aligncenter" width="202" caption="Such a shame I can't wear white to someone else's wedding- I don't know where else I would wear this. But I heart it. $410"][/caption]

Tiffany Blue Dress Finds

Here at The One! we always enjoy getting reader questions, especially about cute clothing!  So today I have one to share that's been lots of fun to research:

Help!  My cousin/bff is getting married in July and I am an "honorary bridesmaid"  (special, but don't get to actually be a bridesmaid!)  I need a dress-- I'm thinking cotton, summery (it will be North Carolina and hott!) and maybe tiffany blue.   Any suggestions?

Yes, we do have suggestions!  Tiffany blue is not an easy color to find, so actually, one of the best places to shop for such a dress is, probably, bridesmaids stores.  But here's some other cute options that would at least coordinate with Tiffany blue that we found to consider!

Nervous about rocking such a strong color all-over?  Consider a pattern instead of a solid- this can be a great way to introduce a second color you love too- and especially flatter your skin tone!  Also, don't forget that you can always buy an inexpensive dress and spend a little money on alterations to make it perfect-- sometimes the total cost of a cute Target find with some alterations is still much, much less than the cost of a department store dress, and because it fits properly, actually looks better!  Happy shopping!  (All images link to their source)

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="503" caption="Both from the Merona collection at Target! Left: Bridget Shift Dress in Green Floral. Right: Karissa Shirt Dress (both $39.99!)"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2521" align="aligncenter" width="215" caption="David's Bridal: Cotton Sateen Strapless Dress ($135)"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="178" caption="American Eagle: Bubble Print Tank Dress ($34.50) (no, you don't have to be 16 to shop there, the sizing is reasonable!)"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="140" caption="Urban Outfitters: Kimchi Blue Zip Pleat Ruffle Dress ($58)"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="293" caption="Ann Taylor: Silk V-Neck Dress ($215) (Ann also sells a very similar dress with a scoop neckline in the same color)"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="232" caption="Anthropologie: Caballo Falls Dress ($168)"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="198" caption="Nordstrom: Trixxi One Shoulder Dress ($68)"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="224" caption="BCBG: Front-Twisted Printed Dress ($148)"][/caption]

Get Me To The Church On Time!

It was time to get to the church!  (All photos in this post courtesy of Jessica Morrisy or from family and friends!)

Well, by some miracle even though we were all running late, and even though it had just started to snow, our group still made it to the church and our ceremony started on time!  I like to take the credit for this, since everyone was shuttled to the church on our ultra-glam school bus!  Ok, maybe it wasn't that glam, but what it lacked in glamour, it made up for in cuteness!

Of course, as much as I wanted to join everyone, J. and I also wanted to keep with tradition and wait until the ceremony to see each other.  So I went to the ceremony with my sister and dad, who had pre-parked our getaway car in front of the church.  Isn't it gorgeous?  I didn't want a traditional white car (not that there's anything wrong with them but I wanted something a little more interesting) and since antique cars are totally my father's "thing" we decided on his 1937 Packard limo.  My dad trailered this car all the way from Ohio just so we could have it there!  I especially love how this car has been a member of our family for a while now-- and has driven around some famous people!

When I got to the church, I was shuttled into a top secret preschool classroom to wait with my ladies, but soon after, my bridesmaids were whisked off to line up for the ceremony.  At this point, all I felt were butterflies and excitement!

And with that, the prelude began!  J.'s parents and then my mother and stepfather made their walks down the aisle and lit the candle to Bach's Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring.  It was gorgeous!

And check out that gorgeous unity candle I made!  It wasn't a huge element of the wedding, but I was glad I had found an inexpensive way to make it personal.  And I love the contrast of the mossy base with the smooth wood of the altar!

And then, the men lined up for the processional (Water Music, Air, by Handel- one of my all time favorites)!

J.'s two close cousins laid down the aisle runner at this point.  Remember that project? Well, given the snow outside, I was sure glad I'd listened to my mother and made one!

And with that, my girls did their thing.

And my flower girl did her thing too!  I can't wait to share with you more of the video recaps, because what this photo doesn't tell you, is how she was throwing the petals high in the air like fireworks!

Remember my DIY poms?  La-la-love them.

But where was the ring bearer you ask?  I think he was a little intimidated by all the people- he just didn't have it in him that day.  Which I understand and respect.  I wish I had the fortitude to say "no" sometimes when I need to!  And anyhow, he was so cute it did not matter a bit!!

And then... the big moment!  Time for my grand entrance!  To Trumpet Voluntary by Clarke.  I wish I could find the words to express the way the organ sounded- the whole room was vibrant with song, and the moment felt exactly as it should have!  It didn't take long for J. and I to lock eyes, and it was perfect perfect perfect.

Up next, the ceremony!!

And how did we get here?  Checking In;  Practice Makes Perfect: The Rehearsal!; The Rehearsal Dinner!; The Rehearsal Dinner Slide Show; Girls Gone Wild!; Got Mah Hairs Did; The Guys Get Groomed; The Girls Get Glammed!

Vendor Review: Miss Now Mrs

I went and did it.  I spent $30 on an online-based name-change program because I was worried changing my name would turn into a typical North-Jersey experience replete with stereotypical desk ladies with their bad dye jobs and worse moods, telling me I'd have to wait in two hour lines because I filled out the wrong form, etc., etc.  So when I saw that there was a service that would at least ease the process of getting the forms right I signed right up.  And having spent the money, I think it's worth giving you the benefit of my experience on this one.

Bottom line: you don't need this but it's a nice convenience if you have $30 to spend.

How it works:

The name of the service I used is Miss Now Mrs but I know there are others out there too.  Basically, all you have to do is pay them and then you're in.  Using their online questionnaire, you fill in some blanks.  Using that information, the service generates forms and letters for you to help you change your name.  For example, it gives you the form for the Social Security office, tells you what to bring with you when you go, and links to the US Social Security website to help you locate the correct office to go to.

Pros:

- You answer some questions and the service fills out all the forms for you- which the people at my Social Security Office really appreciated- legible forms are happy forms!

- You know the form you are using is current and that you're using the correct form so there is no drama when you get to the place you're going.

- The program tells you where to bring the form, and what else to bring with you.

- It gives you a checklist of parties you may need to notify and drafts letters you can send them- from your student loan lender to your professional licensing board.  (I found this very helpful.)

- The company claims they save an average of 13 hours per person on this process.  I think that's reasonable, when you consider the amount of time one might spend online locating the proper forms, figuring out what to bring with them, and filling the forms out.

- You can give this service as a gift.  I would so much rather have gotten this as a gift than a couple of other things we got, har har :)

Cons:

- If you know someone who has ever changed their name, you can easily find out what you need to do without needing a software-based checklist, simply by asking them.  Let's face it, this is not rocket science.

- You only really get the benefit of less hassle when it comes to your new Social Security card (and maybe passport).  The rest can often be handled with a phone call, email or simple fax.

- Having the forms only gets you halfway there.  Companies still want to see that marriage certificate and new social security card.

- By the time you enter all the information into the service regarding banks and such for the form letters, you might as well have just drafted the letter yourself.  Very little time is saved on that step.

- Some of the forms are not accurate- for example, I could not use their form for the New Jersey DMV.  When you buy the program, their waiver says that they don't have to give you the most updated form- and in at least this case, they didn't.  But they say they will "undertake commercially reasonable efforts" to give you the right one, and they claim to have a 6 month money back satisfaction guarantee, so it seems like the risk isn't too great.

Summary:

At the end of the day I decided I could afford to spend $30 for a reduction in hassle with respect to my name change.  That doesn't mean changing my name has been hassle-free.  Au contraire.  It is a huge hassle every step of the way.  I can't tell you how much MORE I'd pay if I could just hire someone to handle it for me.  If you'd rather spend your $30 on a pedicure, I'd see the merits of that too.

From Project Runway to Project Wedding

Who loves watching Project Runway?!  Ohhh me me me!!  If you watched last season, then you know of Carol Hannah- she made the final three and in my personal opinion, should have won... she is a-maaaaz-ing.  And guess what else?  She now has a live etsy store AND a bridal etsy store!  With great fashion finds if you're looking for wedding attire- either as a bride, bridesmaid, or simply a guest.  And in a whole host of great colors.  I know, I've mentioned all this before.  But it is too awesome not to talk about again.

Here are some of my favorites.  All images are from Carol Hannah's etsy store- go check them out in person for more information!

[caption id="attachment_2232" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Calhoun Street dress"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2231" align="aligncenter" width="184" caption="Hasell Street gown"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2230" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Queen Street dress "][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2228" align="aligncenter" width="223" caption="Spring Street short dress- so cute!"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2229" align="aligncenter" width="184" caption="Pinckney dress"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2227" align="aligncenter" width="188" caption="And last but not least, the Wentworth Street gown... LOVE LOVE LOVE!"][/caption]

What do we think ladies?  Love a lot or love the most?!

Update on Gilt Groupe's Wedding Weekend

If you read The One! already, then you know from yesterday's post that Gilt Groupe has collaborated with Martha Stewart weddings (my all-time favorites, working together!  yesssssss) to bring you an incredible sale this weekend- it's called Wedding Weekend, and I think it's a definite must-see for anyone who loves weddings!  But today I am extra excited because I have even more goodness for you.  Yes, it's true, we scored PREVIEWS of some of the stunning gowns (and shoes!) you can find at the sale, straight from the source!  Thanks to the fine folks over at Gilt for sending these to us!!  Grab a tissue because you're about to drool... and sign up for Gilt today, if you haven't already, so you'll be ready on March 12 when the sale starts!!



[caption id="attachment_2467" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Gown by Carolina Herrera: Original Retail: $5790, Gilt: $1999"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2468" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Carolina back view"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2469" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Carolina overlay (sigh!)"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2470" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Another perfect gown from Carolina Herrera: Original Retail: $4990, Gilt: $1599"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2471" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Carolina back view"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2472" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Carolina detail"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2473" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="From Thread Made To Order, Silk Faille Strapless Notched Bust Liddy Dress: Original Retail: $305, Gilt: $228.75"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2474" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Thread back view"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2475" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Thread detail"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2476" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Vera Wang Lavender Label, Bias Satin Draped Neckline Gown: Original Retail: $655.50, Gilt: $196.65"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2491" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Vera back view"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2477" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Vera detail (how I love thee)"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2478" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="The icing on the cake! Sergio Rossi: Original Retail: $770, Gilt: $128"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2479" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Sergio looks good coming or going"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2480" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="This shot makes me so psyched for summer shoes again!"][/caption]

What other cyber-sales have you visited for wedding deals?  Or non-wedding deals for that matter?  After all, a girl doesn't have to wait for her wedding to get glam!